Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Who Am I?

"I'm far too loud; it's like, as soon as I've got an opinion it just has to come out. I laugh at stupid things just 'cause they tickle me. Sometimes I wish I was like __________. She got some prittstick and she glued her lips together, so she never had to speak..."


"...But by then it's too late, no one wants to know me." Does anyone else feel like no one around them knows anything about them except for a few shallow things? Isn't it scary once you realize that no one at all really knows who you are? Have you ever felt like you're worth was equivalent to a brick wall?

I don't know about you but I would like to feel like something. I would like everyone around me to know who I really am and what I have to offer. Early this morning I was sitting in my car and thinking about all of the amazing people I know and I felt like I wasn't even on the list. All of my female friends are...different from me. Why couldn't I be more like __________ and let my reserved demeanor do the speaking for me? How come my personality doesn't shine like __________? I should definitely be more talented and caring like _________ and ___________. Why don't I possess these simple yet so out of reach personality traits?

Was it how I was raised or is it in my genes? It can't be how I was raised because I lack the charisma I was taught to have and my mouth is usually quicker than my mind. Plus, everyone else in my family took everything that I lack before I came into the picture. Before I continue, does anyone else have this problem? If not, stop right here and leave...you no longer need to read anymore...unless you want to.

Some may say a remedy for this feeling is to list three good traits about yourself. I actually tried doing this and it's a lot harder than I thought it would be. I couldn't even think of one on my own...but nonetheless you should try it anyway...maybe it'll help. Or maybe what would really help is knowing that you are who you are and no matter what you do, you probably can't change that so you should just embrace it.

I'm awkward, shy, quiet, insecure, loud (sometimes), introspective, funny, opinionated yet indifferent to almost everything, confused, and a bunch of other things that I haven't discovered yet. I'm still not sure if I like the description of myself or if it's even accurate but I guess in the end it probably doesn't matter because I am what I am and people would have to accept it (or not!) anyway.

I seem shallow on the outside but I have a lot of depth and inner emotions. Hardly anyone ever gets to see this side of me because I'm covering it up with something else...usually it's insecurity, mystery, or me just being plain obnoxious...depending on who you are. For some reason, today it bothers me that no one ever really got the chance to know me. Maybe my worth isn't equivalent to a brick wall; my worth is hidden behind a brick wall that only a few people had the balls to knock down...or maybe I just think too much.

Sometimes I wish I was more like myself...



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