Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Mistakes (A Poem From Adalyn's POV + New Scene From RED)

Another week, another poem and scene from RED. Being that it's New Year's Eve, I think a poem about making mistakes and trying to learn and get better from them will be appropriate. We all have something we want to work out for the New Year. This poem is from Adalyn's point of view. It's called Mistakes. If you missed the poem from last week you can view it here.

Mistakes are lessons
Mistakes are certain
But it's always ugly revealing what's behind the curtain
He wasn't ready for it
Neither was I
But I caused it and left us to die

Mistakes are normal
Mistakes cause heartache
But I didn't mean for his heart to break
He was never there
And I was lonely
In my heart, he's my one and only

I did something that I can't take back
 There's no way of erasing the facts
But where's forgiveness when you need it?
I wait by the phone and I sit and sit

Mistakes are things we all must make
Mistakes are the things that raises the stakes
They test you when things are low
They make sure things are never the same
Mistakes cause you to remember you're the one to blame

I'm tired of pointing fingers
I just want us to be us again
But the trials from my mistake won't ever end
You left me all alone
And I may deserve it
But let's not act like you were perfect

You dreamed about her while you were awake
I was second best and that's what I can't take
You put me last when I should've been first
You buried me with her in the dirt

Now I'm done with pointing fingers
I just want to make you see
That I wasn't the only one who did something ugly
You raised her from the dead
While I was alive
So I made a mistake...that I can't deny

Here's the scene from RED that inspired Mistakes. Remember RED will be out this Valentine's Day.


“Adalyn, what’s going on?” he says frantically.
“I don’t know what happened but Lila said-”  I began to speak in my weak voice before he interrupts.
“Where were you when this happened? Why don’t you know what happened?” He raises his voice.
“Um, Mason I know you’re upset but you may want to tone it down a little,” Peyton warns as she touches his shoulder.
He takes a deep breath and I decide it’s a safe time to speak.
“Look Mason, I know that you’re upset and you have so many reasons to be right now. It was a lapse in judgment on my part and-”
“Yeah, Adalyn you’ve been having a lot of those lately, haven’t you?” he snaps at me.
I look at Peyton whose face tells me how sorry she is for everything. I don’t know what to say to him. Everything I say to him is going to be wrong.
“I’ll stay here just in case someone comes out with news on Ryan. I’ll let the nurse know that I’m here with you guys. You two should head outside and talk this out,” she offers in the kindest way possible.
Mason seems hesitant about her suggestion but eventually obliges. I follow behind him like a lost puppy and can’t help but think how much I’ve missed him.
“Now will you let me explain?” I ask the moment we reached outside the hospital’s entrance.
“Go ahead,” he responds coldly.
“I let the kids play outside for a while so I could get a few things together around the house. I had no one there to watch them so I told Lila to look out for her brothers being that she’s the oldest. Everything was fine. After I finished cleaning up and making sure everything was in order I looked at the time and saw that it was time for them to eat lunch. Before I went to the kitchen I went to the backyard to check on them and told them that it was time for them to come inside. I only left for a few minutes. I honestly don’t know what happened in that short time span but I heard screaming from the kitchen so I ran as fast as I could and-” I try to hold back my tears but I’m not strong enough.
My words strangle me causing my voice to become inaudible. I swallow harshly and struggle to finish my sentence. Mason shows no signs of sympathy.
“That’s when I saw it. Ryan was floating face down in the pool. I immediately pulled him out and started CPR. Lila said she wasn’t paying attention and he and Nick were running around the pool. Nick said they wanted to see who could make the biggest splash by diving in and Ryan went first. Nick said it took him a while to come up and when he did he wasn’t moving. They know they can’t swim, I just don’t understand why they would do something like this,” I finish while wiping my tears away from my eyes.
“I know why. Because they’re kids Adalyn! That’s why you should be watching them at all times! Why would you let them play outside by themselves? Especially the backyard! You know we never let them back there alone! How could you be so God damn stupid and careless?”
“You know what, Mason? Maybe if I had some help this wouldn’t have happened! Maybe if you’d come home sometime I wouldn’t have to deal with things like this! I made a mistake and I’m so sorry! It won’t happen again!” I shout back.
“You’re damn right it won’t happen again Adalyn because I’m getting custody of my children! I didn’t want life to change for them too drastically but this stunt that you pulled leaves me no choice at all. I’m calling my lawyer first thing in the morning!”
Something comes over me. I’m not sure what it is but it takes over my entire body. I’ve never felt anger rise inside of me so quickly. He wants to challenge me for my children. This is what we’ve come to.
I draw my hand back and smack him harder than I thought I could. The left side of his face turns red in an instant. For the first time in a long time, I don’t feel sorry.
“What the fuck?!” he shouts loud enough for the entire parking lot to hear.
“If you think that you’re going to take my children away from me and I won’t fight you, you have another thing coming to you, Mason! I made one mistake by cheating on you but you don’t get to take it out on them! What happened today could have happened if either one of us was watching them. Don’t try to make me sound like a bad parent when I was the one who practically raised them while you were always away working somewhere or obsessing over your dead ex-wife!” I state pointing my index finger at him as if I’m reprimanding a child.
“You have no right to talk to me this way, Adalyn,” he says in a much deeper tone.
Mason can be scary when he’s angry but I don’t let it bother me. I have to show him that I’m capable of being stronger than him.
“You’re an asshole, Mason! You want to know why I’ve been so side tracked lately? It’s because of you. It’s because you won’t talk to me or even look at me! It’s because you’re not even man enough to confront what happened between us. Instead you want to run away as if that’s going to fix things. Well it’s not! You ran away from Taylor, you ran away from Peyton, and now you’re running away from your family. Stop running and learn to deal with the cards given to you! Whether you like it or not you need to come back home so we can settle things like adults. You can keep your new fancy condo just in case you decide we can’t make it. I really don’t give a damn about the decisions you make anymore, Mason, but at least respect your family enough to decide together. You may not want me right now and it’s completely okay with me because at this moment I’m not sure if I want to be with you either!”
Before he can speak another word Peyton comes out to tell us that the doctor would like to see us. I don’t wait for Mason to make a move. Instead I quickly walk back into the entrance of the hospital ignoring everything else around me. Mason can rot in hell for all I care. He’s not going to get away with trying to take my babies away from me. They are all I have left.




 

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Battered and Shattered (A Poem From Peyton's POV + New Scene From RED)

It's another week which means it's time for another poem from a character's point of view. This time I'm choosing to write a poem from the point of view of the main character in RED. This is a poem by Peyton (Taylor and Peyton's daughter) after she has an altercation with one of her beaus. It's called Battered and Shattered. If you missed the poem from last week from Mason's POV, you can check it out here.

Sitting on the hard, cold ground alone
Scared, battered and shattered
I don't know who I am
I have no one to call
And the night is black
I'm just scared, battered and shattered

They're asking me questions
That I don't have the answers to
Alone, battered and shattered
My tears do the talking for me
Words won't come out my throat
I'm alone, battered and shattered

I've made my mistakes
But do I deserve this?
 Confused, battered and shattered
My blood runs red
And my mind is running wild
I'm confused, battered and shattered 

"Tell me your name"
"Do you have any family?"
Just leave me battered and shattered
I've come this far on my own
No one to guide me
He left me battered and shattered

Here's the scene from RED, Battered and Shattered was inspired by. Hope you enjoy it and remember RED will be released this Valentine's Day!

I don’t recognize myself. It’s more than that bad. It’s horrific. I become speechless and let my tears do the talking for me. I want to let something out. I want words to come out of my mouth. Suddenly, I hear screaming, a female’s voice that echoes through the night. It takes me a while to figure out that it’s my own. I can’t believe he did this to me.
The police and ambulance arrive as Robyn tries her best to console me. This can’t be happening. This can’t be real. I must be dreaming. An officer and a paramedic run up to me and bombard me with questions that I can’t answer right then. The paramedic walks me over to the ambulance and sits me in the back of the truck. He shines a light on my face and gently touches it.
“The most we can do is treat these wounds. You have a contusion on the upper left corner of your face but you’ll heal. Let’s get you to the hospital. You’ll need X-rays and the police can take your report there. Do you have anyone we can call?”
I nod my head yes and he calls the police officer over to the truck. They all look so sympathetic. I wonder if they all have daughters and are imagining what if this happened to them. I’m afraid to witness what Mason would do.
“I’m going to need a phone number, your mom or dad?” the officer says trying not to look too concerned.
“I don’t have a mom or a dad, just cousins.” I speak lowly in a monotone voice.
“I’m going to need someone’s number,” he replies.
“I tried to call Adalyn. She’s my cousin’s wife but she didn’t pick up.”
“What about your cousin?” he asks now seeming concerned.
“He’s in California on business.”
“Well, I’ll tell you what. Give me both of their numbers and I’ll try my best to contact them.”
I give the officer all of my information and he says he’ll follow me to the hospital to get the report after I’ve been fully examined. I lie back on the stretcher as the ambulance drives away from the dark and lonely street that has drops of my soul scattered on it.
I try to close my eyes but every time I do I see the image of Marcus. I’m not a crier but lately my emotions seem to be taking control of me. The ride is silent and I’ve never felt so alone in my life. How do I fix this? How do I walk into school? What will Mason and Adalyn think? God, I don’t want all of these answers at one time because that means there will be problems to go along with it.

Friday, December 19, 2014

New Publishing Company!!!!

I'm happy to announce that I officially belong to a publishing company! I very recently signed with Line By Lion Publications and that means RED will be released through their publishing company. A Tragic Heart will also be re-released and I plan to release the entire RED Tragedies series with Line By Lion. I'll keep you all updated with news and future projects. 2015 should have a lot of exciting news for us all. Here's to a long and prosperous partnership! Cheers!

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Dreaming Alive (A Poem From Mason's POV)-New Scene From RED Included!

As most of you already know, RED will be released on February 14, 2015. I thought it was clever to release it on Valentine's Day since the name of the book is RED and...well...you know! Anyway, along with a new character profile every month, I'll also release a poem that is inspired by a scene or page from RED. I think it's a good way to help readers gain a better understanding of the emotional effects certain scenes have on the character. The first poem is called "Dreaming Alive" and it's from Mason's point of view.

Last night I dreamed of you while I was awake
And I prayed to the Lord my soul He'll take
Just so I can be back with you

Do you know what it's like to dream while alive?
To see the damning images deep inside your mind?
But it was worth it because I was with you 

The sparks in your eyes, they were still there
But the fire spread and you disappeared
I'll burn all over again just for you

My eyes are wide open and my heart has been closed
I can't love another because you're all that I know
And I wouldn't have it any other way because of you

I tasted your mouth and you tasted mine
I think we forgot all about the time
But life always worked that way with you

Last night I dreamed while I was alive
But in reality you were on the other side
What I would give for you!

Because last night that dream brought me alive...

Here is the scene from RED, Dreaming Alive was inspired from. It's a scene where Mason dreams of his lost love Taylor (from A Tragic Heart).
 ***
Every time I try to close my eyes, I see her. I keep trying to think of something new, but she won’t get out of my head. Sixteen years and she still haunts me.


I wake up to the smell of breakfast so I quickly get up and brush my teeth. I practically rush down the stairs before something stops me in my tracks.
“Hey, make sure your dad is up. I know how much he hates having to heat up food,” I hear her voice say from the kitchen.
I’m afraid to walk in and be disappointed. It couldn’t be. Is it all a dream? Did it never happen? For a second I feel relieved but then realize that when I open the kitchen door it wouldn’t be her.
I stand in front of the kitchen door for a while before pushing it open. I close my eyes and say a short prayer before viewing what’s in front of me.
“Never mind!” she calls out. “You’re right on time,” she says with a beautiful smile. The smile that’s been imprinted in my mind since the first day we met.
“The smell woke me up,” I say relieved that she’s standing there in front of me again. “Is this real?” I ask her a little confused.
“Last time I checked,” she sounds just as confused as I feel.
“Don’t ever leave me again,” I say touching her beautiful face.
“I won’t. We were young before, it’s different now. I love you.”
“I love you too. I always have and always will.”
She leans in and kisses me passionately. We almost get carried away but the smoke that fills the air reminds us that she’s cooking.
“SHIT!” I yell opening the kitchen window and turning the fan above the stove on.
She laughs a little and tells me to watch my mouth. I stare at her for a long time before she acknowledges it.
“What? Why do you keep looking at me like that?” she asks never wiping that smile off of her face.
“I just had this terrible dream,” I say unable to take my eyes off of her.
“What was it about?”
“I don’t want to bring it up again, but I dreamed that after Peyton died you fell into this deep depression and…” it’s hard for me to say it even though I know that it never happened, “you asked me to watch Peyton for a while, and you never came back. You left me in the worst way possible. I found you on your apartment floor covered in blood. It was the worst thing I’ve ever seen.”
She doesn’t say a word. She just looks at me with glossy eyes as if she’s trying to hold back tears.
“I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to bring it up again,” I say before reaching out to touch her.
She moves away from me and tears fall from her eyes.
“If I knew you loved me this much I would’ve never done it. I regret it every day,” she says through her tears.
I don’t understand.
“I’m confused, what are you talking about?” I ask still trying to move closer to her.
“I would have given you a second chance. You deserved it. I ruined her. I ruined everything! You’re doing such a great job, Mason. It’s not your fault. You’re not the reason why she’s so angry. It’s all my fault! I just wanted to see him again but now I’m stuck!”
She moves back towards the stove and I yell for her to move out of the way. The stove catches fire without good explanation and quickly spreads across the kitchen forming a barrier between us. I try grabbing her to pull her with me but I can’t get to her.
“Don’t leave me!” I yell back at her while reaching for her hand. “Please! Don’t leave me again!”

I jump out of my sleep more startled than I’ve ever been. I look over at the clock and see it reads 5:45 am. I quickly get up and walk to Peyton’s room. She still isn’t home. The hairs on the back of my neck are standing on end and I can’t relax. I walk into the den on the top floor and try to relax by watching some TV. I can’t get that dream out of my head. I say a short prayer and whisper to myself, “Baby, wherever you are, I hope you’re safe and happy.”